So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
