Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
