I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
