Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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