She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
