i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
