I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
