We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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