i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
