If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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