Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
"it" just moved
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
