Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
