before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
