i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
why do cheetos always look like penises
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
