So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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