his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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