Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
