theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
