you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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