Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
