I murdered the dance floor call the cops
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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