I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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