Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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