i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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