i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
