i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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