i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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