for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
