I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
