He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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