Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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