she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
