Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
