did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
