if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
