so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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