Will you blow on my dice?
I want to have your abortion
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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