My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
