it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
