i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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