I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
