Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
