Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
