in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
