He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
wow bdsm is so cute
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
