Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
