we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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