I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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