she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
