There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
