It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
