You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
