I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
